Me and Myself

Last Friday was a sad day for my wife Hope and my 4-year-old daughter Temi. It was the last day of Camp Sunshine, which was the camp my daughter enjoyed attending for the past four weeks. Temi loved going to camp. At camp she played with her friends, created masterful pieces of fine art (there is nothing like a proud father) and learned a lot of cute cheers (Hope and I have also learned a lot of cute cheers). Camp also afforded Hope the luxury of having time to do the errands that mothers do when children are not around. Hope has recently discovered that it is significantly cheaper to go grocery shopping without Temi. Temi likes to help Hope with the shopping and she tends to find various “healthy” foods that she insists we must have. Camp also gave Hope a chance (when the baby was sleeping) to enjoy some quiet time.

Unfortunately for Hope, this past week has been quite different from the previous weeks when Temi was going to Camp Sunshine. Hope no longer had the important time she needed to shop and re-charge her batteries. One day this past week when I came home for dinner I noticed that Hope was in need of a break from Camp Mommy. Temi was having a hard time adjusting to not having friends to play with, and she was bouncing off the walls (boredom can do that to you). I brilliantly suggested (this does not happen too often) to Hope that she should go out by herself to Graeters, and enjoy a delicious, refreshing “mocha chiller” (hint: if you are ever in a situation where you need to win Hope over, a mocha chiller is the way to go). Needless to say, Hope liked the idea, and literally ran out the door. As Hope was leaving, Temi wanted to know where her mommy was going. I explained to Temi that mommy needed “mommy and mommy time”. Temi’s face broke out in a big smile as she began to lecture me on how the concept of mommy and mommy time makes absolutely no sense. She explained: we can have Temi and mommy time, we can have Temi and daddy time or we can even have daddy and mommy time, but there is no way a person can have time with themselves. As she completed her thoughts she proclaimed with hearty laughter “what is she going to do, talk to herself? Daddy you are so funny.”

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Most Monday mornings I like to have meetings with myself to organize the upcoming work week. However, I must admit that it is seldom that I have a meeting with myself to reflect on how I am doing in my personal life.

I believe many of us enjoy some quiet time with ourselves, but do we use the time to learn more about ourselves? Are we fully aware of the areas in our lives that we need to improve? Do we know what makes us happy or what makes us sad? Do we have a clear picture of the direction our lives are drifting towards? As a Rabbi, I have the opportunity to work with many people in the area of personal growth. It is not uncommon for someone to explain to me how he/she has ignored a problem until a situation arose, which made ignoring it no longer an option

The Pride of New York

Growing up in New York it was ingrained in me at an early age to take pride in being a New Yorker. I was taught that it is a privilege to live in the Big Apple. I was constantly reminded that New York has the greatest museums, restaurants, theatre productions, subway system, and of course the best people. There is a big sign on the Belt Parkway near the border of Brooklyn and Queens that sums it up well; the sign declares “Leaving Brooklyn: Fuhgeddaboudit” (see attachment for picture). How can one have the audacity to even leave one part of New York for another part of New York? It is not even an option to leave the city! In fact, any other city in the United States is referred to by New Yorkers as “out of town”, which implies New York is the center of the world and everything is simply out of the loop.
The center of New York’s pride is the skyline, which embraces Manhattan. It symbolizes how “advanced” New York is from its counterparts throughout the world. No other city in the world has nearly as many skyscrapers as New York. A standard downtown in the average U.S. city has at most four buildings that exceed 23 stories. Before 9/11 the peak of this pride was the Twin Towers and the Empire State Building. Every summer, one of my camp trips was to travel to the 107th floor of the World Trade Center. As a child, every time I was on Manhattan Island I always looked up into the sky to see the top of these two enormous buildings.
We are now almost 8 years removed from that horrific day in September. Every time I see a picture of the current New York Skyline I am reminded of that tragic day. I think about the almost 2,000 victims that were murdered. I am reminded of the heroism displayed by the fire fighters who gave up their lives for others. I also think about the Towers I loved so much as a child that are no longer there.
Several years ago I went to visit Ground Zero (the former sight of the Twin Towers). I was in disbelief that I was looking at the spot where the Towers once proudly stood. It hit me loud and clear that the peak of the pride of New York is no loner standing. The summer camps are going to have to pencil in the Empire State Building because there is no longer a 107th floor of the World Trade Center.

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Yesterday was the fast of the 17th (of the Hebrew month) of Tammuz. The 17th of Tammuz is the first day of the three-week period where the Jewish people mourn the destruction of our holy Temples our source of pride. It is supposed to be a time for us to reflect and think about our tragic loss, and what it means to us. The problem lies in the fact that since the destruction happened so many years ago, it is hard for us to internalize the loss and feel genuine pain. How do we work on developing the sensitivity to appreciate the loss of the Temple? How do we arrive at the point that when we visit the Western Wall in Jerusalem or even see a picture of it, we understand that it is a picture of tragedy? How do we develop an understanding that we are not supposed to just have a wall; we are supposed to have an entire Temple? How do we work on coming to the realization that 2,000 years ago the Jewish people lost our source of pride?

Creating Our Own Legacy

Thank G-d I have been blessed with an amazing job at the Kollel. I have the opportunity to learn Torah and meet with so many different people, every single week. I study with people of all ages; from young adults to the residents at Wexner Heritage House, and everything in between. The relationships that I have developed with all my study partners are very close to my heart.
On Monday evenings, throughout the school year, I studied with several Bexley high school students. We had interesting and enjoyable discussions about contemporary issues as well as some deep philosophical concepts. One Monday evening, we were discussing the concept of creating our own legacy and what we would want to be known for. During our discussion, I asked the boys the following question: What would they rather be famous for, leading their team to multiple NBA championships or feeding 100 poor people? They all answered emphatically that they would want to be known for leading their team to the champaign drinking, big parade, picture on the Wheaties cereal box, cover of Sports Illustrated, million dollar endorsement opportunities, and dinner with the President that accompanies the winning of professional championships. However, one student confided in me that if he would become very famous or extremely rich for feeding the poor, he would consider it. There also happened to have been several adults standing around the table when we had this “lively” discussion. A few of them admitted that they would choose to stand next to our youth on the podium and accept the NBA trophies over the opportunity to feed the poor.

Questions for the Shabbos Table: If you were part of our conversation would you choose to be an NBA champion or a champion for the hungry? Remember, you have to be honest, just like the teenagers were in our discussion. Would you be able to give up all the fame and fortune for the opportunity to provide food to 100 hungry people? Would you really take more pride in giving food to the needy over being a great professional athlete? What do you want your legacy to be and what are you doing now to cultivate it?

My thoughts: I think we all can agree that we should want our legacy to be the accomplishment of feeding starving people over having the talent and skill of placing a ball through a hoop. However, we live in a society where moral values are confused. The fact that the media can dedicate an entire week mourning the death of Michael Jackson and celebrating his life (whose own legacy is in serious question based on alleged despicable activities) is sad. Why does the media believe Jackson’s life is more important than all the serious and dangerous events that are going on in the world right now? Yes, he was a good dancer, and innovative entertainer with a good voice, but why is his life more appealing than a random good person that dedicated his/her life for the sake of others?
We have to remember the values we surround ourselves with will play a significant role in who we become, and the legacy we leave behind for the next generation.