Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will always harm me
You’ve just sent an e-mail. And by contemporary standards it’s a real gem, which is to say it’s glib and gossipy and it shows that you sure know how to filet somebody. You are, in short, everything a post-modern communicator should be. This time, you’ve got the goods on somebody in the office, and you’ve just shared the wealth with the click of a mouse. And then it dawns on you. The e-mail went to the wrong place. You sent it to the victim of your pleasantries, who happens to be your boss. A minute ago you were a budding star, now you are unemployed (Richard Greenberg Aish.com).
It is safe to assume that if the previous scenario happened to any of us we would be filled with regret. Racing through our minds would be the thoughts of frustration that we were careless and failed to double-check the email address. We would ask ourselves how we could have been so careless! We would probably become absorbed in self-pity feeling bad about ourselves. We would be left pondering why bad things happen to good people and what did we do to deserve this?
Unfortunately, many of us would fail to consider the possibility that we may have hurt another human being. There might be another person who regrets the e-mail even more than we do.
A close relative shared with me the following painful story that happened to him: It was the end of the 12th grade school year and four good friends decided to celebrate their graduation by taking a short vacation to Orlando, Florida. These four friends were inseparable and have been good friends for several years. As all good friends have, they had their share of occasional disputes. From the very beginning of the trip one particular person was being difficult, and spoiling the vacation for the others. By the end of the second day of the big vacation, some members had wished that the spoil sport had not come on the trip.
That evening in their hotel room, the difficult individual feigned slumber. After carefully checking that he was sleeping, my relative started to vent and share “kind” thoughts about his peer. Once the can of worms was opened everyone joined in to take “punches” too. In the middle of their discussion the “sleeping” individual sat up with tears in his eyes. He looked at them and told them he heard every single word. For the rest of the trip he was in a daze and said very little.
My relative never regained his friendship with the “victim.” My relative told me the look of pain on his friend’s face was heart breaking; he finally understood the tragedy of Loshon Horah.
Question for the Shabbos table: Why do we enjoy talking about other people? Why does gossip generate so much money in the entertainment industry? There are numerous talk shows dedicated to highlighting the downfalls of others and countless magazines that proudly advertise that their gossip is the juiciest.
Challenge: A large part of this week’s Torah portion is dedicated to the spiritual disease called Tzaraas. This disease was contracted when one spoke Loshon Horah. All were able to see the infamous white spots upon you and knew what you must have done. Unfortunately, we no longer have the immediate and severe consequence of Tzaraas to keep our speech in check. My challenge to us is to simply pay attention to how often we talk about and hurt other people behind their backs.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Heading East
Heading East
I would like to thank my brother-in-law Chaim Nieman for inspiring this e-mail
It was imperative that Chaim catches the 6:12 train heading home towards Passaic. It was a long day at work and the last thing he wanted was to have to wait another 40 minutes for the next Passaic bound train. He was focused, and knew he had to leave his office by 5:55 to make the train. Just then, as luck would have it, the clock read 6:03.
The race was on! He had nine minutes to make a 17 minute walk to the train. Putting his game face on, Chaim understood the challenge before him. He would have to break his personal record for speed walking, while wearing a suit, tie and dress shoes. He swiftly walked through the street splitting defenders (defenders are people walking in the opposite direction that always manage to stand directly in front of you and tend to move in the same direction as you when attempting to walk around them until you ask them politely to pick a side) and brilliantly spun around the blockers (blockers are the people that walk really slow and usually walk in packs, which means they tend to block the entire side walk).
Chaim, panting and sweating, finally made it to the train station, but to his horror his train was already there and passengers were just about done boarding his train. Chaim then heard the sound of the bell signaling his defeat and indicating the train doors about to close. The race was over and he would have to wait another 40 minutes for the next train. He would have to fess up to his wife that he missed the train because he lost track of time (scary), or admit he was not fast enough to make it (unthinkable). He opted not to admit defeat just yet, and he made a last minute effort to sprint before the doors of the train closed. As the doors of the train were about to close he placed his hands in the door to prevent them from closing (for the Mid-West readers this is standard procedure when riding public transportation on the East coast, you do whatever it takes to get on the train). To his delight the doors re-opened, and in triumph Chaim entered the train. However, his glory did not last long, as he heard the conductor announce, “Next stop Patterson.” Chaim successfully made it onto the wrong train!
How many times in life are we motivated to accomplish something and we are willing to do what ever it takes to succeed without paying attention if it is a goal that we should be aspiring towards?
I would like to thank my brother-in-law Chaim Nieman for inspiring this e-mail
It was imperative that Chaim catches the 6:12 train heading home towards Passaic. It was a long day at work and the last thing he wanted was to have to wait another 40 minutes for the next Passaic bound train. He was focused, and knew he had to leave his office by 5:55 to make the train. Just then, as luck would have it, the clock read 6:03.
The race was on! He had nine minutes to make a 17 minute walk to the train. Putting his game face on, Chaim understood the challenge before him. He would have to break his personal record for speed walking, while wearing a suit, tie and dress shoes. He swiftly walked through the street splitting defenders (defenders are people walking in the opposite direction that always manage to stand directly in front of you and tend to move in the same direction as you when attempting to walk around them until you ask them politely to pick a side) and brilliantly spun around the blockers (blockers are the people that walk really slow and usually walk in packs, which means they tend to block the entire side walk).
Chaim, panting and sweating, finally made it to the train station, but to his horror his train was already there and passengers were just about done boarding his train. Chaim then heard the sound of the bell signaling his defeat and indicating the train doors about to close. The race was over and he would have to wait another 40 minutes for the next train. He would have to fess up to his wife that he missed the train because he lost track of time (scary), or admit he was not fast enough to make it (unthinkable). He opted not to admit defeat just yet, and he made a last minute effort to sprint before the doors of the train closed. As the doors of the train were about to close he placed his hands in the door to prevent them from closing (for the Mid-West readers this is standard procedure when riding public transportation on the East coast, you do whatever it takes to get on the train). To his delight the doors re-opened, and in triumph Chaim entered the train. However, his glory did not last long, as he heard the conductor announce, “Next stop Patterson.” Chaim successfully made it onto the wrong train!
How many times in life are we motivated to accomplish something and we are willing to do what ever it takes to succeed without paying attention if it is a goal that we should be aspiring towards?
Question for the Shabbos Table:
Are we traveling on the train going in the right direction? After 120 years are we going to be able to look back at our journey and view our accomplishments with pride? How do we develop a system to encourage ourselves to stop and reflect on our actions and our lives?
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Points to Ponder on the Haggadah
Points to Ponder on the Haggadah
Two weeks ago, while I was leading a discussion on the Haggadah, Jim Wassertsrom mentioned that he wished he had a list of questions available for him during the Passover Seder. As the words came out of his mouth I thought to myself, that is brilliant (I also wished that I thought of it). I shared this idea with the other Kollel Rabbis and they all expressed interest in contributing to this project.
Thus the Kollel Rabbis present to you seven points to ponder (with hints) to enhance your Seder experience.
1. L’Chaim, we are free
Pesach is the holiday of freedom, when we reflect and appreciate our redemption from Egypt. But how can we celebrate and drink to redemption while the Jewish people are currently still in exile?
Hint: What is the definition of freedom?
2. Last minute invitation
We begin the Seder. We make the special Holiday Kiddush and Shehechianu Blessings. Then we wash our hands for the eating of the karpas. We break the middle Matzah, and are now ready to begin the Maggid, the fifth section of the Seder. But before we begin to recount the story of Pesach we proclaim, “All who are hungry come and eat. All who are needy come and partake of the Passover meal”. If you received such an invitation, would you attend? Is it not a bit late to begin inviting the hungry and needy (after we have already recited kiddush). Why at the Pesach Seder do we extend the quintessential belated invitation?
Hint: There are a number of approaches to answer this question. Two ideas: 1) What section of the Passover Seder does this invitation directly precede? 2) Are we the real Masters of this meal, or are we guests, in a sense, even at our own Seder?
3. Problem child
Two weeks ago, while I was leading a discussion on the Haggadah, Jim Wassertsrom mentioned that he wished he had a list of questions available for him during the Passover Seder. As the words came out of his mouth I thought to myself, that is brilliant (I also wished that I thought of it). I shared this idea with the other Kollel Rabbis and they all expressed interest in contributing to this project.
Thus the Kollel Rabbis present to you seven points to ponder (with hints) to enhance your Seder experience.
1. L’Chaim, we are free
Pesach is the holiday of freedom, when we reflect and appreciate our redemption from Egypt. But how can we celebrate and drink to redemption while the Jewish people are currently still in exile?
Hint: What is the definition of freedom?
2. Last minute invitation
We begin the Seder. We make the special Holiday Kiddush and Shehechianu Blessings. Then we wash our hands for the eating of the karpas. We break the middle Matzah, and are now ready to begin the Maggid, the fifth section of the Seder. But before we begin to recount the story of Pesach we proclaim, “All who are hungry come and eat. All who are needy come and partake of the Passover meal”. If you received such an invitation, would you attend? Is it not a bit late to begin inviting the hungry and needy (after we have already recited kiddush). Why at the Pesach Seder do we extend the quintessential belated invitation?
Hint: There are a number of approaches to answer this question. Two ideas: 1) What section of the Passover Seder does this invitation directly precede? 2) Are we the real Masters of this meal, or are we guests, in a sense, even at our own Seder?
3. Problem child
Which of the four sons is regarded as the most problematic?
Hint: Is a bad opinion worse than no opinion?
4. Who is the real villan?
The objective of the Seder is to recount our suffering in Egypt and how G-d miraculously set us free. One would think, then, that the Haggadah would focus exclusively on our persecution at the hands of Pharaoh and the Egyptians. Oddly enough, though, the Haggadah states: “Go learn what Laban the Aramean attempted to do to our father Jacob -- Pharaoh wanted to kill only the boys, but Laban wanted to uproot the whole Jewish nation.” Doesn't this undercut the goal of the evening? It almost makes it sound as if Pharaoh was nothing compared to Laban! Why does the Haggadah seem to minimize Pharaoh's evil by emphasizing that Laban was even worse?
Hint: How did Laban seek to “uproot” the Jewish people? Was he trying to destroy us physically or spiritually?
5. Name that theme!
“Rabbi Yehuda combined the initials (of the Plagues) into acronyms: “De.Tza.Ch, A.Da.Sh, Be.A.Cha.B”.” Can you identify a theme for each group of plagues?
Hint: Read the following three verses in the book of Exodus carefully: 1) 7:17 2) 8:18 3) 9:14 (Note: Each of the three verses appears after the first plague in its respective group)
6. Why are these Mitzvot different than all other Mitzvot?
The Haggadah states that to truly fulfill the mitzvah of conducting a seder, we are required to explain the purpose and reason that underly three Mitzvot - Pesach, Matzah, and Moror (bitter herbs). But no other Mitzvah includes such a requirement. Why do these three mitzvot alone contain the additional requirement?
Hint: We have a parental obligation to tell our children the story of the Exodus.
7. Missing in action
Which main character is missing from the entire Haggadah and why?
Hint: What fundamental beliefs are we trying to convey to our children and to ourselves on the Seder night? What important relationship are we trying to stress throughout the Haggadah?
Hint: Is a bad opinion worse than no opinion?
4. Who is the real villan?
The objective of the Seder is to recount our suffering in Egypt and how G-d miraculously set us free. One would think, then, that the Haggadah would focus exclusively on our persecution at the hands of Pharaoh and the Egyptians. Oddly enough, though, the Haggadah states: “Go learn what Laban the Aramean attempted to do to our father Jacob -- Pharaoh wanted to kill only the boys, but Laban wanted to uproot the whole Jewish nation.” Doesn't this undercut the goal of the evening? It almost makes it sound as if Pharaoh was nothing compared to Laban! Why does the Haggadah seem to minimize Pharaoh's evil by emphasizing that Laban was even worse?
Hint: How did Laban seek to “uproot” the Jewish people? Was he trying to destroy us physically or spiritually?
5. Name that theme!
“Rabbi Yehuda combined the initials (of the Plagues) into acronyms: “De.Tza.Ch, A.Da.Sh, Be.A.Cha.B”.” Can you identify a theme for each group of plagues?
Hint: Read the following three verses in the book of Exodus carefully: 1) 7:17 2) 8:18 3) 9:14 (Note: Each of the three verses appears after the first plague in its respective group)
6. Why are these Mitzvot different than all other Mitzvot?
The Haggadah states that to truly fulfill the mitzvah of conducting a seder, we are required to explain the purpose and reason that underly three Mitzvot - Pesach, Matzah, and Moror (bitter herbs). But no other Mitzvah includes such a requirement. Why do these three mitzvot alone contain the additional requirement?
Hint: We have a parental obligation to tell our children the story of the Exodus.
7. Missing in action
Which main character is missing from the entire Haggadah and why?
Hint: What fundamental beliefs are we trying to convey to our children and to ourselves on the Seder night? What important relationship are we trying to stress throughout the Haggadah?
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