points to ponder

Impact!

2010-07-02T11:49:00.001-07:00

It is a typical scene in New York to have one or two men receiving a message on their walkie talkies and then immediately running out of the sanctuary during the services, or a family gathering, or a restaurant, etc. on their way to save someone’s life. These men are members of Hatzalah; a volunteer emergency medical service.

An individual by the name of Rabbi Hershel Weber founded an organization called Hatzalah, in Brooklyn, New York in the late 1960s. Rabbi Weber founded Hatzalah to address the needs of the Jewish Community in Williamsburg for an ambulance service that understood its cultural and religious needs, and to improve EMS response time. The organization was a basic first aid group trained in CPR and carrying oxygen. Soon after its inception, Hatzalah expanded, and today has over 80 ambulances and almost 2,000 volunteer EMT’s in the United States. Today, Hatzalah is the largest volunteer Emergency Medical Services and ambulance provider in the United Sates. In New York alone Hatzalah responds to over 250,000 calls a year.

We have just entered the “three weeks” the time on the Jewish calendar, which is designated as the time to mourn for the destruction of the Holy Temple. We use this time to mourn that we are still in exile 2,000 years later. We use this time to lament and ponder the devastation we, as the Jewish people, have endured throughout this dark time of exile. The Sages tell us the Jewish people need to improve their interpersonal relationships with one another in order to bring an end to this darkness. We have to eradicate baseless hatred and put an end to gossiping about one another.

Unfortunately, many of us might be thinking that improving our behavior is worthless because there is so much hate and anger in our communities throughout the world that our actions are inconsequential. During these three weeks our challenge is to realize that every single one of us can make a great impact with a small deed. Rabbi Webber started Hatzalah with an oxygen tank in the trunk of his car, over 40 years later the name Hatzalah is found on ambulances in five different continents.

Point to ponder: What is going to be our small act? How are we personally going to contribute to bringing an end to this dark time in our history? If we fail to make an attempt to improve our community, then who will?

Reacting to Flotilla

2010-06-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

This past week, the community worldwide has demonstrated once again, that our brothers and sisters in the holy land are held to a different standard than the rest of the world at large. The immediate world condemnation of the actions of Israel’s naval forces’ on the six-ship Turkish-sponsored Flotilla has proven that nobody is interested in the facts. As Prime Minister Netanyahu so wisely stated “The world treats Israel as guilty until proven guilty.” By now we have all seen the multitude of videos, which have been circulating on the Internet. The videos capture the footage of the “humanitarians” attacking and beating the Israeli soldiers as they descended upon the boat.

The world justifies their anti-Israel position by saying that the soldiers should have never been on the boat to begin with. There are calls for the Israelis to put an end to their occupation of the waters leading into the Gaza strip. It is time for the Israelis to end the blockade and allow “humanitarian” aide to flow freely into Gaza. Of course, nobody is talking about why Israel implemented the blockade. Any state, which is run politically by a recognized terrorist group, is too dangerous to have unilateral control of their borders. It is only a matter of time before the “humanitarian” missions will evolve into military transports.

Throughout the last 48 hours I have received numerous emails encouraging me to watch videos and call and write to my elected officials. I have also noticed that a large percentage of my facebook friends have joined various pro-Israel/know the truth about Flotilla facebook groups. A clear reflection of the anger and frustration the Jewish people worldwide are experiencing. However, I think it is important for us to remember that the greatest way to channel our anger and frustration is through prayer. We must remember that when these events occur and our emotions are in full gear, we have the opportunity to channel them towards G-d through the medium of passionate prayer. Let us not forget the actions of our forefather Yaakov. Before Yaakov had his dreaded encounter with Esau he sent ahead gifts and prayed. Yaakov did not just send gifts, he did not exclusively rely on lobbying his senator and joining facebook groups, he also prayed. In addition to the great lobbying and noise that we are making, we must also pray for the safety of our brothers and sisters.

Tuesday with Mr. Linzer*

2010-05-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

This past Tuesday Gary Blumberg and I traveled to Chillicothe, Ohio. We journeyed an hour to perform a very unique and special chesed. We met a man by the name of Mr. Linzer. This meeting was like no other meeting that I had ever experienced. Mr. Linzer is a Jewish man who was born, raised, and lived all 105 years of his life in Chillicothe. For the last five years, he has been demanding to see a Rabbi, and I was given the extraordinary opportunity to be the Rabbi to fulfill that request.

As I walked into Mr. Linzer’s house, I found him sitting on an easy chair lost in thought, as the television in front of him was blasting at a very loud volume. His daughter (who is in her late 70’s) yelled into his ear that a rabbi was present to see him. He immediately came to life, and a huge smile appeared on his face. He looked at me and yelled, “A Rabbi, you’re a Rabbi?” His daughter then yelled into his ear, “it took us five years, but we finally brought you a Rabbi. Dad, do you have any questions for him?” Mr. Linzer looked at me, smiled, and said “nope, no questions.” His daughter asked him “is there anything that you want to tell the Rabbi?” “Nope,” he replied.

As I took a seat next Mr. Linzer, I glanced at the pictures adorning his coffee table. The picture of his grandson in particular caught my eye, as he was dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. I opened the Artscroll siddur to the Shema and read it with him. He could not read Hebrew and had no appreciation for the significance of the prayer we were about to read. I read out loud as he followed with his eyes. He then stopped me, looked me in the eye, and asked, “Who is Hashem?” Trying to ignore the devastating feeling that this 105-year-old man does not know who Hashem is, I explained to him that Hashem is G-d. He thanked me and I continued to read. A few minutes passed, and he looked up again and proclaimed, “Hashem is G-d, there is only one G-d, G-d is everywhere!” He then caressed the siddur and repeatedly said that this is a beautiful book.

Every Jew has a special spark somewhere in the depths of his/her heart. For some, that spark can be the drive for their entire lives, for others, it can take over one hundred years to surface. May Mr. Linzer live and be well until 120.

*The real name has been changed

Life Changing or Great Story

2010-02-16T05:46:00.001-08:00

I would like to thank my Thursday morning Navi class for inspiring these words.

Recently, on Manhattan Island overlooking the Hudson River, one of the most memorable reunions in the last decade took place. All 150 passengers and the 5 members of the flight crew of “the miracle on the Hudson” returned to the location of where their plane safely landed in the middle of the Hudson River. The reunion marked the one-year anniversary of the miraculous emergency landing, where all the passengers of the flight survived. Many shared how that short few minute experience has permanently changed their perspective on life. One person talked about how every morning when he wakes up he is truly grateful for the opportunity to live another day.
Throughout our lives we have all experienced, witnessed, or heard about an event that we felt was truly uplifting and inspirational. We have all proclaimed from that point on we are going to improve and become better people. Unfortunately, for many of us our new path to greatness ended with our declarations. As time progressed the experience shifted from inspirational to a great memory or a fun story to share. We are failing to seize the moment. Typically, while we feel the joy of inspiration we declare tomorrow I am going to be better. The key is to change on the spot while we feel great. At that moment we have to let the inspiration propel us into action. We must take the steps forward at that very moment.
In this weeks Torah portion (Beshalach) one of the most amazing and inspirational events of all time took place on behalf of the Jewish people. The Jewish people were standing on the bank of the Sea, trapped as their Egyptian nemesis headed their way with the intentions of returning the Jewish people to slavery. At that very moment G-d split the sea and the Jewish people were saved. The Jewish people immediately responded to this awesome experience with song and praise to Hashem. They did not wait until the next day, rather the Torah tells us “Then Moshe and the Children of Israel chose to sing”. The Children of Israel understood that they needed to choose and commit themselves to spiritual growth immediately.

The Olympics: Uniting the World Through Competition

2010-02-12T13:26:00.000-08:00

This evening is the kickoff of the winter Olympics in Vancouver, British Columbia. The Olympics is an international sporting event where a large portion of the world comes to together for “friendly” competition. The two week long event generates millions of dollars, creates intriguing story lines, and turns athletes into heroes. As much fun as the Olympics may be, I must admit that I struggle with what the purpose of the Olympics are.

One may suggest the objective of the Olympics is world unity. However, when your goal is to unify a group of people; competition is not the ideal path to take. The opening ceremony of the Olympics proves this point. The Olympians parade into the stadium waving the flag of the country they represent. The athletes are not thinking one world one people. They are thinking our country is the best and we are going to win more gold than any other country. Throughout the world as people watch the event on television they are rooting for their country. They are taking pride when they hear their national anthem being played as their fellow countrymen receive a gold medal. They are not thinking “wow, we have so much in common with everyone else in the world, it is about time we put our differences to rest.”

In this weeks Torah portion (Mishpatim) the Torah commands the Jewish people to travel to Jerusalem three times a year to celebrate the Festivals together. People from every tribe, from every region throughout the land of Israel must come and celebrate the holidays together as unified people. The pilgrimages teach us an invaluable lesson: regardless of where we live, what we look like, and the language we speak, all Jews are on the same team with the same goal. Our goal is to live by the word of the Torah and strengthen our relationship (as one people) with our Creator.

The Jewish Response to Anti-Semitism

2010-01-17T20:26:00.001-08:00

As I studied this week’s Torah portion (Shemos), it occurred to me that the Egyptian enslavement of the Jewish people was our nation’s first brush with anti-semitism. Unfortunately, our experience with anti-semitism has not stopped in Egypt; rather it has continued throughout our history. No matter where the Jewish people have lived, at some point in time anti-semitism managed to rear its ugly face. Regardless of how hospitable our host country may have been, somehow they too evolved into a source of terror and pain. The modern day Jew is no exception; anti-semitism is still alive and well and something we all endure. Although we may have no control over the prevalence of anti-semitism, we do have the ability to decide how we as Jews will respond.

Naturally, many of us may feel that the only method of combating anti-semitism is to fight back. If someone punches us in the face we must respond in kind. We cannot allow ourselves to be treated like doormats and be stepped all over.

The problem with the “eye for an eye” approach is, at best it is a short-term solution. Even if we are successful in winning the battle, we are not going to win the war. There are too many people who are motivated to put an end to Judaism.

There is another philosophy, which believes that the only way to extinguish the flames of anti-semitism is for the Jewish people to conform to their surroundings and try our best to fit in. They believe the source of tension between the Jews and the rest of the world is our insistence on being different.

Unfortunately, history has shown that the ‘blending in” belief is flawed. The assimilated Jew has never been immune to anti-semitism. Anti-semites do not care about how well you fit in to society; a dirty Jew is a dirty Jew.

The most potent way to fight anti-semitism is to resolve to re-commit ourselves with even more intensity to our Jewish heritage. Every time a Jew performs a commandment of the Torah filled with pride it is a slap in the face of anti-semitism. When we instill in our children the honor and beauty of Judaism, it is a step in defeating those who want to crack the very foundation of Judaism. The goal of anti-semitism is to harass and break the will of the Jew. Our job is to respond and demonstrate to the world and ourselves that nothing can deter us from our mission to be closer to our Creator and to sanctify His name.

Bad Decision or Destiny: The Struggle with Used Car Salesmen

2009-12-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

Recently, Hope “requested” (AKA: demanded) that she would like to replace her 2000 Chrysler 300m for a new used Honda Odyssey. Inspired by the desire to seize the opportunity to make my wife happy (she will kill me if I don’t buy it), this past week I embarked on the dark harrowing journey of used car shopping. Along this journey I have had the many wonderful opportunities to meet with the devil himself disguised as a used car salesman.

From the moment I walk through the doors of the dealerships and receive the warm greetings, I can already feel them sucking the dollar bills out of my wallet. My fear of the salesmen getting the upper hand has transformed me from a nice Kollel Rabbi into a ruthless bargainer (perhaps a little bit of an exaggeration). Unfortunately, in the last 72 hours, I have blown two really good deals and allowed them to slip away because I believed I could get a better price elsewhere. Hope insists that my greed and strong desire to prevail over the salesmen have gotten the better of me (and she will not be happy next week when we drive to New Jersey in the Chrysler). I prefer the comforting words of my close friends that it is “beshert,” it was obviously not meant to be, rather than accepting the possibility that I am being too greedy. G-d did not want me to be the proud owner of those cars (which happened to be exactly what we were looking for).

Our different perspectives on my lost opportunities remind me of a question I have on this weeks Torah portion (Vayigash). In this weeks Torah portion Joseph reveals himself to his brothers and informs them that he is the Viceroy of Egypt, and the brother that they sold into slavery 22 years ago. One can only imagine the embarrassment and shame the brothers experienced when they were standing once again face to face with Joseph. Immediately following his revelation to his brothers Joseph offered the following message to them: “And now, be not distressed, nor reproach yourselves for having sold me here, for it was to be a provider that G-d sent me ahead of you.”

My greed in my experience trying to buy a used car, and the brothers’ jealousy, led us both to make bad decisions. Can there still be an element of “beshert?” What was Joseph telling his brothers? Was he telling them that they were not liable for inappropriately selling him into slavery, since it enabled him to be in the position to save his family? If this is not the message of Joseph then what is the message? Is he simply trying to make them not feel bad for selling him into slavery, or is there something deeper going on? Please share with me your thoughts on this verse.

Goodbye Grandma Rose

2009-12-10T07:53:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, this past Tuesday Hope and I lost the matriarch of our family. Hope's grandmother, Rose Ramras passed away at the blissful age of 104. The Torah tells us if one honors one's parents, one will be blessed with longevity. Grandma Rose was clearly a recipient of this blessing, and rightfully so. She was a dedicated daughter who took great care of her mother. She would travel by train (no small feat in those days) from her home in Bensonhurst to her mother's home in East New York to visit and clean for her twice a month.

Grandma Rose dedicated her entire existence to her family. She made it her priority to always be home with her children. She never pursued a career and did not involve herself in anything that would compromise her focus on her children. She was not a member of a beach club, she did not travel too often and was not a member of any social group. She lived for her three children, five grandchildren and thirteen great grandchildren. The room literally lit up from her smile when she gazed at the children.

The last time we visited her in her apartment she appeared a little weak. However, anytime either one of my two daughters walked near her, she leaped forward with a surge of life and a huge smile, and grabbed one of the girls. Her grip on them was so tight that they had to plea for help.

Her love and devotion to her family clearly made an impression on her children. For many years, my mother-in-law and her two brothers dedicated their lives to their beloved mother. They visited her at least on a weekly basis if not more. They took care of all her needs from laundry to grocery shopping to doctor appointments to hair appointments and everything in between. They clearly learned how to epitomize the mitzvah of honoring one's parents from her, and they excelled in it, as did she. We only hope that we were able to inherit her spiritual gene of honoring one's parents to the fullest as Grandma Rose and her children did.

The life she led was not one of glamour or excitement, rather one of fulfillment. She had her priorities and never lost sight of them. She understood that her family came first, and everything else was secondary to that.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

2009-12-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

Recently, Hope and Temi (my 4-year-old daughter) have been reading a book about all the different types of cars and trucks that dominate our roads. Temi is a very bright, sharp and confident young girl (my wife and I each "humbly" take full credit). Naturally, Temi has absorbed the information from the book and has an impressive command of a wide array of cars and trucks.

However, even great people have challenges, and Temi is no exception. The other day Temi and I went for a walk through the streets of Bexley. Our stroll provided Temi the opportunity to show off her newfound knowledge. As we passed a Jeep, Temi yelled and declared that we were looking at a Jeep. When we saw a minivan, one could hear the chant of "I see a minivan, I see a minivan" down the block. Then came the pickup truck debacle. As we walked by a pickup truck, Temi emphatically stated that it was a dump truck. In the most sensitive, empathetic and caring way possible, I broke the news to Temi that she was mistaken. I explained that we were in fact looking at a pickup truck and not a dump truck. She looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "We are going to have to tell Mommy that she taught me the wrong truck!"

Questions for the Shabbos table: Next week the Jewish People will start to recite selichot (prayers of forgiveness) in anticipation of Rosh Hashanah. In order for a person to genuinely ask for exoneration one has to accept responsibility for his/her actions. Have you ever received an apology from a person who believes they did nothing wrong? Does their apology mean anything to you? How does the empty apology make you feel? Next week when we ask G-d for forgiveness, how do we ensure that we are sincerely remorseful and apologetic for our actions?

The Tiger is out of the Bag

2009-12-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

For the last few days we have been bombarded with endless discussions on television, radio and internet dedicated to the immoral deeds of Tiger Woods. Americans have been struggling to accept the harsh reality that another supposed “hero” is truly a weak human being. It is the same old story; on the playing field and in the commercials he seemed to be an outstanding and wonderful human being, a role model, yet in his private life there is much to be desired.

As disgusted as I am by the despicable actions of Tiger Woods, I am even more disgusted by how the media has covered the story. Some of the discussions have revolved around the question of “how long will it take for Tiger to reclaim his former image?” The media is essentially ignoring the fact that he does not deserve his former image, because it was based on a lie. His actions have demonstrated that he is not the “good guy” we were led to think he was.

I have also had to stomach the apologists who delicately explained that before we judge Tiger, we have to understand that we cannot fathom the moral challenges of famous athletes. I heard a radio host explain, “We cannot imagine the challenge of throngs of beautiful women jumping at you. He is just a normal man with normal will power placed in an extreme situation” (it pains me to write these words).

What has happened to commitment? What has happened to discipline? As all great athletes know, if there is a will there is a way. If people want to be moral and faithful, they can. If a man is committed to maintaining the sanctity of marriage he will surely avoid situations that might lead him astray.

I am going to conclude with a plea: In a few months from now, Tiger Woods is going to win a major golf tournament. At that point, the American people will forgive and forget his misdeeds. I beg of you not to forget so easily. For some strange reason our great society offers atonement to winners. If one wins a tournament or stars in a hit blockbuster movie he/she is perceived as a “changed” person. Let us not make that mistake. We have already learned the hard way that just because Tiger has won on the golf course does not prove he is a winner in life. Until Tiger is victorious in a moral battle and becomes a better person he does not deserve honor.

G-d's Masterpiece

2009-11-23T08:03:00.001-08:00

In the spring of 2000, yours truly enjoyed the wonderful experience of hiking in the Grand Canyon. I will never forget the awe I felt upon my first glance of the massive hole in the ground that seemed to go on forever. I felt like a small drop in a massive body of water. The splendor of the Canyon was absolutely breathtaking!

Initially, I was not the least bit interested in hiking. I was open to the possibility of riding a donkey or perhaps taking a helicopter to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World, anything to avoid hiking. The thought of climbing up and down a mountain just for fun did not appeal to me. I had no desire to over-exert myself, and endure great physical pain and danger, to prove that I could have been a park ranger if I had so desired. Then, reality kicked in. I did not have the resources for the helicopter, and my vacation buddy refused to ride a donkey, citing “it was way too dorky to be seen on a donkey” (to this day I still wonder who he feared bumping into in the Grand Canyon). Left with no choice, I accepted my fate and agreed to hike.

The climax of the trip, was praying the morning service next to the rim of the Canyon as the sun was rising. I had wrapped myself in my tallis and donned my teffilin upon my arm and head. The sheer beauty of the Grand Canyon accompanied by the rays of the sun was inspiring. It was clear to me that I was witnessing the hand of G-d and the brilliance of creation. The power and awesomeness of G-d was evident. Then my spiritual high came to a screeching halt. As I was praying (wearing my tallis and tefillin) a bus filled with Japanese tourists armed with cameras pulled up along side me in order to enjoy the view of the Canyon. I am convinced that they took more pictures of me than the Canyon itself. The multiple flashes caused me to feel as if I was caught in a lightning storm with nowhere to hide.

Question for the Shabbos Table: Most people would agree that naturally beautiful or amazing places like the Grand Canyon, Niagara falls, or the Swiss Alps provide a glimpse of the power and beauty of G-d. We know that man-made creations, such as skyscrapers, bridges, microchips that contain thousands of pages of information, and heart transplants are a reflection of the sophistication and brilliance of mankind. However, is it appropriate to utilize these “man-made” items to reflect on the greatness of G-d? Can one argue that since man created it, it has nothing to do with G-d, or is everything from G-d?

My thoughts: It is true that man has the ability to create and conceive ideas that are “new” to the world. However, it is impossible for man to have thought of an idea, which G-d has not. Everything in this world can give us a taste of the greatness of the Almighty. The next time we are successful in one of our endeavors or we think of a clever idea, we must remember that we had help.

True Lies

2009-11-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

Were you ever in a situation where you honestly felt the correct thing to do was lie? Were you ever asked your opinion on something that you knew your honest opinion would offend the inquirer? What would you do if, G-d forbid, your wife or mother cooked a special dish that she believed would be something to talk about for years to come, and you did not like it? Would you tell her that she should write a cookbook around the recipe, or do you take the chance of offending her and being brutally honest? (Author’s note: My last point is strictly theoretical, I cannot relate on a personal level).

Is there ever a time where the right thing to do is lie? If a person does lie for the purpose of avoiding pain to another, is that considered a distortion of the truth? Where does one draw the line between being a liar, and a person who promotes peace?

In this week’s Torah portion (Toldos) Jacob (identified by the Sages as the man of truth) at the behest of his mother, tricked his father Isaac into believing that he was his older brother Esau, in order to receive the special blessing. When Isaac discovered that Jacob deceived him, he did not offer a single word of rebuke towards Jacob. In fact, it seems from the text that Isaac ultimately concurred with the actions of Jacob. Can it be that the Patriarchs of the Jewish nation condoned deception?

We must conclude that the word truth does not necessarily mean an exact description of what has occurred. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler explains that the Jewish perception of truth is defined by what is the will of G-d in that particular moment. Sometimes the truth (G-d’s will) may demand a white lie in order to save a person from mental anguish or to minimize the potential for an argument. From the fact that Isaac was not upset with Jacob indicates that he ultimately understood that Jacob’s actions were a fulfillment of G-d’s will.

Moving on Up

2009-09-06T09:50:00.001-07:00

Last week I had the good fortune of traveling to New York for my first cousin's wedding. Unfortunately, when the plane company designed the shuttle plane they did not have 6-foot tall, 200 pound (yes, I am 200 lbs!) men in mind. The seats on the plane are extremely small and the legroom is non-existent. Essentially, they expected me to sit indian style for the entire of the flight. If I understand correctly, there is an additional $15 charge for legroom to compensate for the extra gasoline that will be utilized to transport the excess weight.

As I was sitting on the plane, awaiting takeoff, I noticed that one of the passengers on the plane was a friend of the stewardess on our flight. She gave the man and his young daughter a tour of the cockpit and the kitchenette. After their V.I.P tour of the plane, they started walking back to their assigned seats. Suddenly, the stewardess called out to her friend and said, "Nobody else is coming on the plane and there is plenty of space available in first class." Naturally, this was an offer that this man could not refuse. He did not have to think too hard and he gleefully went to sit in the first class section of the plane.

Of course all good things come with a price tag; as he was walking towards the first class section, his young daughter yelled out "Daddy, don't forget I throw up when I sit in the front of the plane."

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Is it ethical for this passenger to sit in the first class section of the plane? On one hand the airline did not lose money because the seats would have remained empty. However, he did not pay for the privilege to sit in first class. If you think it is unethical, would that have stopped you?

Me and Myself

2009-07-19T10:15:00.002-07:00

Last Friday was a sad day for my wife Hope and my 4-year-old daughter Temi. It was the last day of Camp Sunshine, which was the camp my daughter enjoyed attending for the past four weeks. Temi loved going to camp. At camp she played with her friends, created masterful pieces of fine art (there is nothing like a proud father) and learned a lot of cute cheers (Hope and I have also learned a lot of cute cheers). Camp also afforded Hope the luxury of having time to do the errands that mothers do when children are not around. Hope has recently discovered that it is significantly cheaper to go grocery shopping without Temi. Temi likes to help Hope with the shopping and she tends to find various “healthy” foods that she insists we must have. Camp also gave Hope a chance (when the baby was sleeping) to enjoy some quiet time.

Unfortunately for Hope, this past week has been quite different from the previous weeks when Temi was going to Camp Sunshine. Hope no longer had the important time she needed to shop and re-charge her batteries. One day this past week when I came home for dinner I noticed that Hope was in need of a break from Camp Mommy. Temi was having a hard time adjusting to not having friends to play with, and she was bouncing off the walls (boredom can do that to you). I brilliantly suggested (this does not happen too often) to Hope that she should go out by herself to Graeters, and enjoy a delicious, refreshing “mocha chiller” (hint: if you are ever in a situation where you need to win Hope over, a mocha chiller is the way to go). Needless to say, Hope liked the idea, and literally ran out the door. As Hope was leaving, Temi wanted to know where her mommy was going. I explained to Temi that mommy needed “mommy and mommy time”. Temi’s face broke out in a big smile as she began to lecture me on how the concept of mommy and mommy time makes absolutely no sense. She explained: we can have Temi and mommy time, we can have Temi and daddy time or we can even have daddy and mommy time, but there is no way a person can have time with themselves. As she completed her thoughts she proclaimed with hearty laughter “what is she going to do, talk to herself? Daddy you are so funny.”

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Most Monday mornings I like to have meetings with myself to organize the upcoming work week. However, I must admit that it is seldom that I have a meeting with myself to reflect on how I am doing in my personal life.

I believe many of us enjoy some quiet time with ourselves, but do we use the time to learn more about ourselves? Are we fully aware of the areas in our lives that we need to improve? Do we know what makes us happy or what makes us sad? Do we have a clear picture of the direction our lives are drifting towards? As a Rabbi, I have the opportunity to work with many people in the area of personal growth. It is not uncommon for someone to explain to me how he/she has ignored a problem until a situation arose, which made ignoring it no longer an option

The Pride of New York

2009-07-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

Growing up in New York it was ingrained in me at an early age to take pride in being a New Yorker. I was taught that it is a privilege to live in the Big Apple. I was constantly reminded that New York has the greatest museums, restaurants, theatre productions, subway system, and of course the best people. There is a big sign on the Belt Parkway near the border of Brooklyn and Queens that sums it up well; the sign declares “Leaving Brooklyn: Fuhgeddaboudit” (see attachment for picture). How can one have the audacity to even leave one part of New York for another part of New York? It is not even an option to leave the city! In fact, any other city in the United States is referred to by New Yorkers as “out of town”, which implies New York is the center of the world and everything is simply out of the loop.
The center of New York’s pride is the skyline, which embraces Manhattan. It symbolizes how “advanced” New York is from its counterparts throughout the world. No other city in the world has nearly as many skyscrapers as New York. A standard downtown in the average U.S. city has at most four buildings that exceed 23 stories. Before 9/11 the peak of this pride was the Twin Towers and the Empire State Building. Every summer, one of my camp trips was to travel to the 107th floor of the World Trade Center. As a child, every time I was on Manhattan Island I always looked up into the sky to see the top of these two enormous buildings.
We are now almost 8 years removed from that horrific day in September. Every time I see a picture of the current New York Skyline I am reminded of that tragic day. I think about the almost 2,000 victims that were murdered. I am reminded of the heroism displayed by the fire fighters who gave up their lives for others. I also think about the Towers I loved so much as a child that are no longer there.
Several years ago I went to visit Ground Zero (the former sight of the Twin Towers). I was in disbelief that I was looking at the spot where the Towers once proudly stood. It hit me loud and clear that the peak of the pride of New York is no loner standing. The summer camps are going to have to pencil in the Empire State Building because there is no longer a 107th floor of the World Trade Center.

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Yesterday was the fast of the 17th (of the Hebrew month) of Tammuz. The 17th of Tammuz is the first day of the three-week period where the Jewish people mourn the destruction of our holy Temples our source of pride. It is supposed to be a time for us to reflect and think about our tragic loss, and what it means to us. The problem lies in the fact that since the destruction happened so many years ago, it is hard for us to internalize the loss and feel genuine pain. How do we work on developing the sensitivity to appreciate the loss of the Temple? How do we arrive at the point that when we visit the Western Wall in Jerusalem or even see a picture of it, we understand that it is a picture of tragedy? How do we develop an understanding that we are not supposed to just have a wall; we are supposed to have an entire Temple? How do we work on coming to the realization that 2,000 years ago the Jewish people lost our source of pride?

Creating Our Own Legacy

2009-07-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

Thank G-d I have been blessed with an amazing job at the Kollel. I have the opportunity to learn Torah and meet with so many different people, every single week. I study with people of all ages; from young adults to the residents at Wexner Heritage House, and everything in between. The relationships that I have developed with all my study partners are very close to my heart.
On Monday evenings, throughout the school year, I studied with several Bexley high school students. We had interesting and enjoyable discussions about contemporary issues as well as some deep philosophical concepts. One Monday evening, we were discussing the concept of creating our own legacy and what we would want to be known for. During our discussion, I asked the boys the following question: What would they rather be famous for, leading their team to multiple NBA championships or feeding 100 poor people? They all answered emphatically that they would want to be known for leading their team to the champaign drinking, big parade, picture on the Wheaties cereal box, cover of Sports Illustrated, million dollar endorsement opportunities, and dinner with the President that accompanies the winning of professional championships. However, one student confided in me that if he would become very famous or extremely rich for feeding the poor, he would consider it. There also happened to have been several adults standing around the table when we had this “lively” discussion. A few of them admitted that they would choose to stand next to our youth on the podium and accept the NBA trophies over the opportunity to feed the poor.

Questions for the Shabbos Table: If you were part of our conversation would you choose to be an NBA champion or a champion for the hungry? Remember, you have to be honest, just like the teenagers were in our discussion. Would you be able to give up all the fame and fortune for the opportunity to provide food to 100 hungry people? Would you really take more pride in giving food to the needy over being a great professional athlete? What do you want your legacy to be and what are you doing now to cultivate it?

My thoughts: I think we all can agree that we should want our legacy to be the accomplishment of feeding starving people over having the talent and skill of placing a ball through a hoop. However, we live in a society where moral values are confused. The fact that the media can dedicate an entire week mourning the death of Michael Jackson and celebrating his life (whose own legacy is in serious question based on alleged despicable activities) is sad. Why does the media believe Jackson’s life is more important than all the serious and dangerous events that are going on in the world right now? Yes, he was a good dancer, and innovative entertainer with a good voice, but why is his life more appealing than a random good person that dedicated his/her life for the sake of others?
We have to remember the values we surround ourselves with will play a significant role in who we become, and the legacy we leave behind for the next generation.

Is it a Parsnip or Turnip?

2009-06-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

At the peak of my family's battle with the flu, my wife decided it was time to play some Jewish hardball, and make a huge pot of chicken soup (G-d bless her!). I was given the important task of going to Kroger to purchase the necessary ingredients for our precious soup.
Among the many ingredients on my shopping list were two parsnips and two turnips. The parsnips and turnips are always a source of stress for me because I can never remember which one is which. During this trip to Kroger, I was determined to overcome my parsnip and turnip confusion. Of course, this does not present a problem when I am placing them in the shopping cart because I can read the signs identifying each vegetable. The problem arises when I arrive at the self-checkout line of the supermarket and I am forced to recall the name of all the produce. To avoid my self-checkout line confusion, I read the identifying signs multiple times and tried to develop a rhyme to help me recall which one is which (please do not ask me the rhyme because I do not remember).
The self-checkout line provides the consumer with multiple benefits. The lines move much faster at the self-checkout area. Also, the self-checkout area is not decorated with the high "quality" reading material that adorns the other checkout counters. Last but not least, these lines provide the consumer with a unique opportunity to be on the other side of the counter. If you ever desired to know what it is like to take the grocery items and place them over the scanner, this is your chance. However, the fun only lasts as long as the products have bar codes. When there is a bar code one does not have to think, and there is no test of one's grocery knowledge. The challenge arises with the produce and its missing bar codes. Produce does not carry a bar code because the price varies depending on the weight and quantity of the item. One can either type the name of the item or humiliate oneself and use the picture system to identify what one is holding in his/her hand. This is where my struggle with the parsnip and turnip always emerges. I am always forced to use the picture system and hold up the line until I find the picture of the parsnip or turnip (how humiliating!). Unfortunately, this heroic chicken soup mission was no different. Reading the signs in front of the vegetables multiple times and the composition of a rhyme was all for naught. Once again, I was left standing at the self-checkout line baffled trying to determine which one was the turnip and which was the parsnip. In the middle of my dilemma I heard a voice whisper in my ear, "You are holding a parsnip. My gosh the black cap on your head does a great job covering your bald spot." I looked up, and the Kroger's employee gave me a smile and said, "I can use one of those things on my balding head. It is just another reason why I should convert to Judaism. You have the answers to all the problems."

Questions for the Shabbos Table: When I was driving home from Kroger the words of the insightful Kroger's employee made me think. I thought it was interesting that when he saw the yarmulka on my head he saw a bald spot being covered. What does the yarmulka, or any open expression of Judaism, mean to us? What is the significance of wearing a yarmulka? Is it simply part of a uniform that provides the additional benefit of covering a bald spot that we "allegedly" have, or is there something deeper?

My thoughts: The Sages tell us the purpose of the yarmulka is to bestow upon us the constant fear and reverence of G-d. When one places the yarmulka on his head he is demonstrating that he is aware that G-d is above him. The yarmulka serves as a constant reminder throughout the day that we answer to a higher authority.
The yarmulka also reminds us that we are not only representing ourselves in our daily activities but we are representing the entire Jewish nation. There is nothing more humbling than the realization that the result of your interaction with another person might shape his/her impression of the Jewish nation forever.

The Lonely Kiddush Cup

2009-06-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me this week that this spring marks the 10th anniversary of my trip to the Jewish cemetery called Poland. I spent seven days with a group touring Poland, and seeing the blood stained sites of our fallen brothers and sisters of Europe. We combed the country visiting large empty buildings. One would never have guessed that these old and decrepit buildings used to house major centers of prayer and Torah study.
We walked through a forest and were told in the place that we were currently standing, thousands of Jews were murdered in cold blood. We stood next to a broken brick wall and were told this wall was the last vestige of the cage called the ghetto. The ghetto was where an untold number of Jews were forced to live in horrific conditions. As we exited an old Jewish cemetery one of the gracious Polish natives was kind enough to personally greet us with the hand gesture of a machine gun. We also had the opportunity to enjoy the modern artwork found on buildings depicting a gallows with a lifeless Jewish star dangling from it. Of course the evil swastika was not to be out done and was given prominent recognition.
Then there were the gas chambers. I still remember the anger that burned inside of me as I stood in the confines of the room of death. We walked on the very platform in Auschwitz where the notorious selections occurred. The platform was the place where the Germans decided who would be sent to immediate death and who would live a little longer. We saw the piles of hair, shoes and ashes. I was speechless and unsure how to react.
To be honest, throughout the week I struggled with the inability to emotionally grasp the Holocaust. I wanted to connect myself with the victims of the Holocaust on a personal level. I tried to imagine their faces, but I could not. Finally, on one of the last days of the trip, it hit me like a ton of bricks. We visited a museum. This museum was unlike any museum I had ever visited. This museum was a shul, which the Nazis desecrated and depleted of all its splendor. The Poles collected all the kiddush cups, havdallah sets and menorahs which their former owners left behind before being marched off to their doom. The centerpiece of the museum was a display case of all these holy vessels. I looked at a kiddush cup that seemed familiar to me. It looked similar to the kiddush cup I grew up watching my father use at the Shabbos table weekly. Suddenly it hit me that every one of these kiddush cups had a family and a story to tell. Every one of these cups had a family that congregated around it and sanctified the holy Shabbos with it. These families used their kiddush cups, havdallah sets and menorahs just like my family.
I realized the only difference between us is, the opportunity to use these holy vessels was taken away from these innocent victims against their will and we are still free to use ours.

Questions for the Shabbos Table: Are we taking our freedom to practice religion for granted? Do we appreciate that every Shabbos we have the opportunity to fill our kiddush cups with wine and sanctify the holy Shabbos? If we are taking the opportunity for granted, what can we do to better appreciate our freedom to perform mitzvos?

Second Chance

2009-05-22T12:34:00.000-07:00

Late last night my wife Hope and I had an interesting discussion. The issue at hand was whether or not Michael Vick should be reinstated into the National Football League. This past week Vick completed a 21-month sentence at the federal penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas. He had pleaded guilty to bankrolling a dogfighting operation at a home he owned in Virginia. He also admitted to participating in the killing of several underperforming dogs. Needless to say Vick is not exactly the person you would ask to dog sit while you go on vacation, but does that mean he should be black listed for the rest of his life?
The question, which has dominated the media, is whether or not we can assume Vick is a “changed” man. Some say he has endured the punishment that was given to him, and that alone is adequate. There is no need to punish him further than our judicial system has prescribed. They feel Vick has a right to have his job returned to him after having completed his sentence.
The opposing view feels that just because he sat in a federal prison for almost two years, does not mean he is remorseful for his actions. How do we know he is not going to be a repeated offender? Even if he does not repeat the offense is it appropriate to allow a person who has committed such horrific crimes to compete in the NFL on a national stage?

Questions for the Shabbos table: In an email to Vick’s attorneys, PETA President Ingrid Newkirk urged that Vick undergo a brain scan and a full psychiatric evaluation before being eligible to return to the NFL. “If he passes the test, everyone can truly have hope that he has the capacity to change, and indeed has changed, not just in word but in heart, mind and deed,” the email read. What is the Jewish perspective on this case? Is PETA taking this too far? Does G-d demand that we go as far as psychiatric test to ensure that we have truly repented? If the answer is no, how do we know when we have truly repented?

My thoughts: The Jewish belief is regardless of how awful a person’s action is there is always an opportunity for repentance. The Sages explain that there are four steps to repentance.
1. Regret our sin.
2. Admit to our misdeeds.
3. Remove ourselves from the sin.
4. Accept upon ourselves not to commit that sin again.

If a person says that he is remorseful we do not have the right to question him. However, the person who is repenting must make sure he is following the four steps to repentance.

I Hijacked an Airplane

2009-05-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

It was 10:30 pm on a summer night in August and I was waiting at the baggage claim of Port Columbus International Airport. My wife Hope and daughter Temi (who was 16 months at the time) were returning from a “girl’s only” family camping trip. As I was anxiously awaiting their arrival from their weeklong trip and the end of my return to bachelor life, there was an announcement that their Southwest flight was going to be delayed for 30 minutes. I really felt bad for Hope because nothing can be more difficult than trying to take care of a cranky 16-month-old child on a plane (the truth is there is something which can be worse, being one of the other passengers on the plane). I thought it would be really nice if I could at least use the extra time to come up with a plan to meet her at the gate and help her through the terminal.
To get to the gate would not be an easy task. Homeland Security had raised the terrorist alert to code orange because of a bomb scare in London, England. In order for me to get to the gate I would have to convince security to bend the rules.
I put on an extra special smile and added a little extra charm and ventured into the office of Southwest Airline. I began to tell the helpless lady in the office my sob story. She listened patiently to the saga of my wife who is on the plane with a cranky 16-month-old. I explained how I would love to be able to assist my wife at the terminal. She thought to herself for a few minutes and finally caved in (score!). She instructed me to take a letter, which she then printed, and walk through the doors that have a sign saying, “Do Not Enter”! I have to admit that I was a little apprehensive walking through the doors and feared being tackled by Homeland Security.
As I walked towards the door I put on the extra special smile, raised the level of charm another notch and marched forward. Naturally, the security guards wanted to know why I was walking through the door that read “Do Not Enter.” I then went into my routine again and gave them my sob story about my wife and daughter. The next thing I knew, they instructed me to walk through the metal detector and proceed into the terminal.
My excitement of getting through security was short lived as I quickly realized I had no idea which gate to go to. I walked over to a security officer (the smile was back on my face and the charm was in full force) who was patrolling the immediate area and began to “shmooze” with him. During our conversation he told me how he has been working long hours and they are currently under staffed. He told me he is the only security personnel in the immediate area (I felt safe!). I once again delivered my sob story, and explained to him why I was walking around the terminal. I proceeded to tell him that I came this far, but I do not know which gate the plane will be pulling into. My new friend told me not to worry and gave me the information I needed (score!).
The plane finally landed, and I was proudly standing at the entrance of the jetway, which leads to the plane. The passengers began disembarking the plane and walking through the jetway. Suddenly it occurred to me that it is such a shame I am so close to the plane and cannot help Hope open the baby stroller as she exits the plane. It will be very difficult for her to handle a cranky Temi and open the stroller while holding a diaper bag, pocketbook and a carry on. It is such a waste for me to be so close and not be able to help with the most difficult part. Do I do it or not, do I be a chutzpa and walk through the jetway or am I finally going too far. Naturally, my fear was being arrested and making the headlines of the Columbus Dispatch. I could see it now “Terrorist suspect Avrohom Drandoff, son-in-Law of an Iraqi native (Hope’s father is from Iraq), attempted to walk through the jetway.” While I was pondering my dilemma, I recalled that I am now a best friend of the only security guard in the immediate area. I have nothing to fear. I stormed through the jetway unscathed, and successfully opened the stroller at the door to the plane before Hope even got off the plane (Score!).
Then it hit me. It would be such a shame to be standing right outside the plane when Hope can use my help carrying Temi, the diaper bag, pocketbook and whatever else she brought with her on the plane. I really should just enter the plane and help her. I must admit I was a little nervous; I was not convinced that my connections would help me get on to the plane. As I was about to accept that I have gotten only as far as I could, G-d sent me a helping hand. The Pilot of the plane was now exiting the plane. One last time I put on the smile and raised the level of charm as high as I could and told the Pilot my sob story. He looked at me and gave me the signature employee of an airline smile, and said “no problem, follow me.” I could not believe my ears. I have made it onto the plane. I am a hero and I cannot wait to tell everyone I know.
I learned a powerful lesson that evening in the Airport. If I want to accomplish big achievements I have to think big. When I started my journey through the Airport the thought of making it on to the plane never even entered my mind. Who knew at the time what I would be able to accomplish? One has to think big and believe in their abilities and realize if you take the first step Hashem will make it happen!

Question for the Shabbos Table: Are we reaching for the stars? Are we guilty of selling ourselves short? How do we work on developing a belief in ourselves to enable ourselves to climb higher heights?

our secret to success

2009-05-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

My last semester as a graduate school student studying counseling at the Johns Hopkins University proved to be an interesting experience. I was enrolled in a course entitled “Multi-Cultural Counseling”. The objective of the course was to increase an awareness of the unique sensitivities of our future clients who may be from a different ethnicity than our own.
Our Professor had an interesting and unique personality. He was a member of a minority group and suffered much as a victim of racism. He constantly shared with the class his great desire to unite his people. He felt that before they can combat racism they have to first become unified amongst themselves.
One day after class my professor approached me and asked to speak with me privately. Naturally, I was filled with anxiety because we all know teachers usually do not ask for a private audience to tell you “you are the greatest thing to happen since sliced bread.”
As I entered his office, my teacher looked at me and said “Avrohom, I am jealous of your people” (as these words came out of his mouth I thought he must be crazy. Why would he envy the Jews? Is he not familiar with the persecution we have endured for thousands of years? Is he jealous of the fact that we are the “chosen people” and he is hurt and feels slighted by G-d? Perhaps the yarmulke on my head and the beard is not a dead give away that I am Jewish; maybe he thinks I am Amish and appreciates the simplicity of their life style). “You Jews are spread throughout the entire world. You may not always see eye to eye with one another, you may even fight with one another, you may not even always enjoy each others company, yet you all know you are part of the same group. Every one of you understands that you are a Jew. When there is a crisis in Israel it becomes a crisis for every Jew in the world. If G-d forbid there is a violent act of anti-Semitism in Texas the Jews in New York mourn as if they lost a member of their own immediate community. Do me a favor; please tell me what is your secret? How is it possible that the Jews have survived thousands of years of persecution and have not withered away? My people may look the same on the outside but unfortunately we are all different on the inside. Please tell me your secret of survival, and what is the glue that keeps you together despite all your differences?”

Question for the Shabbos Table: What answer would you give to my Professor? What is the secret of the Jewish people? What is the force behind the unique bond that the Jewish people share? It has to be deeper than persecution, because many religions, tribes and countries have faced persecution and are not united like the Jewish people. It cannot be the State of Israel because we had this bond for thousands of years without having a Jewish state. Furthermore, we do not even have the benefit of a common language (most Jews are not fluent in Hebrew) or culture because we are spread throughout the world. What is our secret?

My thoughts: Almost 4000 years ago the Jewish people reached an unprecedented level of unification. The Sages tell us that the Jewish people were united as one nation with one heart. It was at that very moment of great unification that every single Jewish man, woman and child was privileged to witness G-d’s revelation at Sinai. G-d then bestowed upon us His holy Torah. The very experience of receiving the Torah as a unified people forever bound us to G-d and to each other. The Torah is our secret!

sticks and stones may break my bones but words will always harm me

2009-04-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will always harm me

You’ve just sent an e-mail. And by contemporary standards it’s a real gem, which is to say it’s glib and gossipy and it shows that you sure know how to filet somebody. You are, in short, everything a post-modern communicator should be. This time, you’ve got the goods on somebody in the office, and you’ve just shared the wealth with the click of a mouse. And then it dawns on you. The e-mail went to the wrong place. You sent it to the victim of your pleasantries, who happens to be your boss. A minute ago you were a budding star, now you are unemployed (Richard Greenberg Aish.com).

It is safe to assume that if the previous scenario happened to any of us we would be filled with regret. Racing through our minds would be the thoughts of frustration that we were careless and failed to double-check the email address. We would ask ourselves how we could have been so careless! We would probably become absorbed in self-pity feeling bad about ourselves. We would be left pondering why bad things happen to good people and what did we do to deserve this?
Unfortunately, many of us would fail to consider the possibility that we may have hurt another human being. There might be another person who regrets the e-mail even more than we do.
A close relative shared with me the following painful story that happened to him: It was the end of the 12th grade school year and four good friends decided to celebrate their graduation by taking a short vacation to Orlando, Florida. These four friends were inseparable and have been good friends for several years. As all good friends have, they had their share of occasional disputes. From the very beginning of the trip one particular person was being difficult, and spoiling the vacation for the others. By the end of the second day of the big vacation, some members had wished that the spoil sport had not come on the trip.
That evening in their hotel room, the difficult individual feigned slumber. After carefully checking that he was sleeping, my relative started to vent and share “kind” thoughts about his peer. Once the can of worms was opened everyone joined in to take “punches” too. In the middle of their discussion the “sleeping” individual sat up with tears in his eyes. He looked at them and told them he heard every single word. For the rest of the trip he was in a daze and said very little.
My relative never regained his friendship with the “victim.” My relative told me the look of pain on his friend’s face was heart breaking; he finally understood the tragedy of Loshon Horah.

Question for the Shabbos table: Why do we enjoy talking about other people? Why does gossip generate so much money in the entertainment industry? There are numerous talk shows dedicated to highlighting the downfalls of others and countless magazines that proudly advertise that their gossip is the juiciest.

Challenge: A large part of this week’s Torah portion is dedicated to the spiritual disease called Tzaraas. This disease was contracted when one spoke Loshon Horah. All were able to see the infamous white spots upon you and knew what you must have done. Unfortunately, we no longer have the immediate and severe consequence of Tzaraas to keep our speech in check. My challenge to us is to simply pay attention to how often we talk about and hurt other people behind their backs.

Heading East

2009-04-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

Heading East

I would like to thank my brother-in-law Chaim Nieman for inspiring this e-mail

It was imperative that Chaim catches the 6:12 train heading home towards Passaic. It was a long day at work and the last thing he wanted was to have to wait another 40 minutes for the next Passaic bound train. He was focused, and knew he had to leave his office by 5:55 to make the train. Just then, as luck would have it, the clock read 6:03.
The race was on! He had nine minutes to make a 17 minute walk to the train. Putting his game face on, Chaim understood the challenge before him. He would have to break his personal record for speed walking, while wearing a suit, tie and dress shoes. He swiftly walked through the street splitting defenders (defenders are people walking in the opposite direction that always manage to stand directly in front of you and tend to move in the same direction as you when attempting to walk around them until you ask them politely to pick a side) and brilliantly spun around the blockers (blockers are the people that walk really slow and usually walk in packs, which means they tend to block the entire side walk).
Chaim, panting and sweating, finally made it to the train station, but to his horror his train was already there and passengers were just about done boarding his train. Chaim then heard the sound of the bell signaling his defeat and indicating the train doors about to close. The race was over and he would have to wait another 40 minutes for the next train. He would have to fess up to his wife that he missed the train because he lost track of time (scary), or admit he was not fast enough to make it (unthinkable). He opted not to admit defeat just yet, and he made a last minute effort to sprint before the doors of the train closed. As the doors of the train were about to close he placed his hands in the door to prevent them from closing (for the Mid-West readers this is standard procedure when riding public transportation on the East coast, you do whatever it takes to get on the train). To his delight the doors re-opened, and in triumph Chaim entered the train. However, his glory did not last long, as he heard the conductor announce, “Next stop Patterson.” Chaim successfully made it onto the wrong train!
How many times in life are we motivated to accomplish something and we are willing to do what ever it takes to succeed without paying attention if it is a goal that we should be aspiring towards?

Question for the Shabbos Table:
Are we traveling on the train going in the right direction? After 120 years are we going to be able to look back at our journey and view our accomplishments with pride? How do we develop a system to encourage ourselves to stop and reflect on our actions and our lives?

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Points to Ponder on the Haggadah

2009-04-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

Points to Ponder on the Haggadah

Two weeks ago, while I was leading a discussion on the Haggadah, Jim Wassertsrom mentioned that he wished he had a list of questions available for him during the Passover Seder. As the words came out of his mouth I thought to myself, that is brilliant (I also wished that I thought of it). I shared this idea with the other Kollel Rabbis and they all expressed interest in contributing to this project.
Thus the Kollel Rabbis present to you seven points to ponder (with hints) to enhance your Seder experience.

1. L’Chaim, we are free
Pesach is the holiday of freedom, when we reflect and appreciate our redemption from Egypt. But how can we celebrate and drink to redemption while the Jewish people are currently still in exile?

Hint: What is the definition of freedom?

2. Last minute invitation
We begin the Seder. We make the special Holiday Kiddush and Shehechianu Blessings. Then we wash our hands for the eating of the karpas. We break the middle Matzah, and are now ready to begin the Maggid, the fifth section of the Seder. But before we begin to recount the story of Pesach we proclaim, “All who are hungry come and eat. All who are needy come and partake of the Passover meal”. If you received such an invitation, would you attend? Is it not a bit late to begin inviting the hungry and needy (after we have already recited kiddush). Why at the Pesach Seder do we extend the quintessential belated invitation?

Hint: There are a number of approaches to answer this question. Two ideas: 1) What section of the Passover Seder does this invitation directly precede? 2) Are we the real Masters of this meal, or are we guests, in a sense, even at our own Seder?

3. Problem child

Which of the four sons is regarded as the most problematic?

Hint: Is a bad opinion worse than no opinion?

4. Who is the real villan?
The objective of the Seder is to recount our suffering in Egypt and how G-d miraculously set us free. One would think, then, that the Haggadah would focus exclusively on our persecution at the hands of Pharaoh and the Egyptians. Oddly enough, though, the Haggadah states: “Go learn what Laban the Aramean attempted to do to our father Jacob -- Pharaoh wanted to kill only the boys, but Laban wanted to uproot the whole Jewish nation.” Doesn't this undercut the goal of the evening? It almost makes it sound as if Pharaoh was nothing compared to Laban! Why does the Haggadah seem to minimize Pharaoh's evil by emphasizing that Laban was even worse?

Hint: How did Laban seek to “uproot” the Jewish people? Was he trying to destroy us physically or spiritually?

5. Name that theme!
“Rabbi Yehuda combined the initials (of the Plagues) into acronyms: “De.Tza.Ch, A.Da.Sh, Be.A.Cha.B”.” Can you identify a theme for each group of plagues?

Hint: Read the following three verses in the book of Exodus carefully: 1) 7:17 2) 8:18 3) 9:14 (Note: Each of the three verses appears after the first plague in its respective group)

6. Why are these Mitzvot different than all other Mitzvot?
The Haggadah states that to truly fulfill the mitzvah of conducting a seder, we are required to explain the purpose and reason that underly three Mitzvot - Pesach, Matzah, and Moror (bitter herbs). But no other Mitzvah includes such a requirement. Why do these three mitzvot alone contain the additional requirement?

Hint: We have a parental obligation to tell our children the story of the Exodus.

7. Missing in action
Which main character is missing from the entire Haggadah and why?

Hint: What fundamental beliefs are we trying to convey to our children and to ourselves on the Seder night? What important relationship are we trying to stress throughout the Haggadah?

Look in the Mirror

2009-03-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

Look in the Mirror

Catching up to Rabbi Aronowitz has become part of my daily morning routine. Most mornings, Rabbi Aronowitz (for some crazy reason that I cannot figure out) walks to the Kollel for davening. Since I am such a kind hearted soul (or extremely lazy, to the point that it even bothers me when other people are exercising), I always try to catch up to Rabbi Aronowitz and offer him a lift. It gives me great pleasure to pull up next to him and motion for him to hop in. However, I must admit, the other day I was tempted to slow down, wave and drive off (please don’t tell anyone, I will deny it).

At the beginning of this week I mentioned to Rabbi Aronowitz that I have been catching him at almost the same spot every morning. We were both amused by it and I was even more amused to learn that I am waking up a whole 20 minutes later than he is. We all know how critical those extra few minutes are in the morning. Especially these last few months where my four year old likes to jump into my bed 30 painful minutes before I have to get out of bed. She comes into my bed and then demands the fluffier pillow and tends to be a blanket hog.

During my drive this past Tuesday I could not find Rabbi Aronowitz. The different possibilities of his whereabouts raced through my mind. Did he actually come to his senses and start driving? I finally found him as I was pulling into the parking lot in front of the Kollel. The thought that dominated my mind, was that Rabbi Aronowitz must have woke up even earlier than usual. What could he have possibly been thinking? His waking up earlier caused me much distress that I felt the need to confront him. I mustered up the courage and marched up to him, and in a calm and collect manner asked him “What possessed you to get up earlier today?” He looked at me with a big smile and simply said, “I didn’t, you’re late!”

Question for the Shabbos Table:

Human nature lends itself to look for the blame in others. It does not even occur to us that there is a remote possibility that the fault might be within us. It is so much easier to blame others before taking a look in the mirror. What are we afraid of?
Imagine a world where people are motivated to improve themselves and not others. We would have peace and harmony instead of strife and disappointments. What is holding us back from improving the quality of our lives?

The Designer Baby

2009-03-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

The Designer Baby

This Email has been inspired by Yaakov Solomon of Aish.com

This past week after my four-year-old daughter Temi’s bath, she was determined to comb her curls out of her hair. She told me that she wants to have straight hair! However, her cute red curls and charismatic personality have helped her become quit popular amongst many in Columbus. Recently, on a trip to New York, we stopped at a rest stop in Pennsylvania that was filled with a lot of truck drivers. As we walked through the rest stop we could not help but stare at the brave and “interesting” looking men that shlep our basic essentials throughout the country. With a beard and a yarmulka embracing my head my family was a site to see for them as well.
As we continued to walk through this lovely rest stop we heard a man with three teeth and a stained white beard holler, “look at those cute red curls,” and laughed like only a truck driver could. I loved it, (perhaps because the red curls are my contribution to my daughter), my wife wanted to bury herself from embarrassment. Meanwhile, my cute daughter was busy yelling at a different truck driver that he should be wearing a yarmulka on his head because he is a boy. At this point I wanted to join my wife in the hole that she had already dug for herself. Fortunately, the truck driver thought it was the funniest thing that he has ever heard and also began to laugh like only a truck driver could. He walked over to my daughter and gave her a big pinch on the cheek (gross!) and shook my hand (yuk!). It was a great moment for the melting pot, the Drandoffs and truck drivers bonded as one.
Recently Dr. Jeff Stienberg announced that statistically he has done a good job in selecting gender, hair color and eye color of babies that are a product of IVF at his clinics in New York and Los Angeles. He explained that he uses the Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) to manipulate the features of the baby. PGD was originally developed exclusively for the purpose of identifying genetic defects before implantation. They are now using it to identify other genes in the embryo process in order to implant those desired genes. Essentially, this gives the parents the ability to design their child just as they would their living room.

Question for the Shabbos Table:

Is it ethical to use PGD to design your child? Would you classify this as playing the role of G-d? Is there a deeper problem of not being content with the gift you have received? Or do you think everyone is entitled to utilize breakthroughs in modern science as they see fit and if it is available, why not? If you believe it is appropriate to use it where would you draw the line between appropriate and inappropriate?

My Thoughts:

Using PGD to “perfect” your child is a missed opportunity. We are put on this earth to grow and develop ourselves through the obstacles and challenges that G-d places before us. My wife and I hope that our daughter comes to embrace her beautiful red curls. Temi is now presented with the challenge of appreciating what she has, instead of dreaming to have what her friends have. To play with genetics is a mistake.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Feel Free to forward!

The Big Picture

2009-03-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

The Big Picture

When my wife and I married, we vowed to never become one of those obsessed, corny and tacky theme crazed Shaloch Manos families. However, it happens to the best of us, and we converted quite early on in our Purim career, in fact it started on our very first Purim. Our first year married we decided to make fun of our last name and we did a dandruff theme (I am sure many of you are confused because many people think that our last name is dandruff, but it is actually DRANDOFF). Everything in the shaloch manos bag was white, and we even included a small bottle of Head and Shoulders Drandoff controlled shampoo. It was cute idea and we received encouraging feedback. The following year, Purim was on a Friday, so of course we had to do the Shabbos theme. The next year we did birthday bags in honor of our daughter Tema’s first birthday (she was born a few days before Purim). The trend has continued every year, and as good Jews, we now have a new stress to stress about every year. When February arrives wife asks the resounding question “What is going to be our Purim theme this year?”

My wife and I decided for Purim this year we were going to do the peace-loving thing and be hippies for Purim. We created a hippie theme and of course we dressed like hippies on Purim day. I donned jeans, as I could not find bell-bottoms, and a tie-dyed shirt over a long sleeve T-shirt. I sported a black afro with a string around my hair (representing a make shift bandana, as a real bandana would not fit around the afro), and I got my hands on some really funny buttons (Jews need love, I shot JR Ewing, Holy Moses), as well as the hallmark of any true hippie; the peace sign necklace. I looked awesome! To my wife’s horror many people commented that I looked very natural and comfortable as a hippie.

On Purim day my four-year-old daughter looked at me and started to laugh. Wearing a big smile on her face she said, “ Daddy you look so silly.” Out of curiosity I asked her “what is so silly?” I thought she was going to comment on my stylish afro, the string around my head, the colorful clothing she is not used to me wearing, but that was not the case. She gave me a look of disappointment and explained “Daddy only girls are supposed to wear necklaces, not boys.”

Question for the Shabbos Table: Are we any different than my adorable four year old? What amazed me about my daughter was her ability to focus on a detail and miss the big picture? She was so confused by the necklace that she did not even think too much about my new hairdo, or funky clothing.
How many times in our lives do we get so obsessed about details that we miss the more significant point? The times we are bothered when a person was not particularly nice to us, do we even consider the possibility that our friend is having a hard day? When we stress out about the plummeting economy, and our 401k’s of blessed memory, are we appreciating that we are fortunate to be surrounded by people who care about us, and are supporting of us, whether it be family or friends?

Have a wonderful and “peaceful” Shabbos!

Channukah VS Purim

2009-03-06T08:48:00.000-08:00

Rabbi Menachem Frank who is a colleague of mine from the Minneapolis Kollel sent me the following question. I thought it was so fascinating I wanted to share it with you

Upon analyzing the difference between the Chanukah story and the Purim story, we find a striking contrast in both the nature of the persecution, as well as the nature of the Jewish response.

In the Purim story, the Jewish people are faced with genocide. Complete extermination by evil Haman and his cohorts.

Whereas in the Chanukah story, the Jewish people are faced with religious persecution – albeit under pain of death. The Greek-Assyrians really wanted us very much alive, so long as we adopted their culture, pagan temples, and gymnasiums etc.

I would compare the Purim persecution of physical danger to the Holocaust and the Chanukah persecution of spiritual danger to Communist Atheism.

Question for the Shabbos Table:

Why when confronted with physical danger in the Purim story was the Jewish response one of prayer, repentance, and political maneuvering (Queen Esther in the palace), while our response to the religious persecution in the Chanukah story was very physical in nature; to fight to the death despite our minimal numbers and negligible training (Maccabbes/ Hasmonean wars)?

My comment:

When the Jewish people are facing physical persecution it is an indication that God is not happy with our level of spirituality. There are several places throughout the Tanach where it is clear that Israel lost wars and battles due to their lacking in their service to God. Both temples in Jerusalem were destroyed (physical destruction) because of our spiritual decline. Therefore, the appropriate response has to be spiritual in nature. We have to pray, fast and contemplate how we can improve ourselves as servants to God.

Spiritual persecution is an opportunity for the Jewish people to demonstrate that their entire existence is for the purpose of serving God. It is not a time to exclusively pray but to take physical action and demonstrate that we are willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of our relationship with God. We are not willing to live a life of denouncing God and committing to a new religion. Therefore, it is imperative that we must put up a fight.

Jewish Tennis Player or Tennis Player that is Jewish

2009-02-27T08:59:00.000-08:00

This week’s Torah portion (Terumah) describes the materials for the building of the Tabernacle. The Tabernacle as well as the Temple in Jerusalem was a key component in the unification of the Jewish people and served as a reminder the importance to maintain our Jewish identity.

Organizers of the Barclays Dubai (United Arab Emirates) tennis championship did not allow Israeli player Shahar Peer (ranked 45th in women’s tennis association singles tour) to compete citing “security” concerns. It just happens to be that the UAE prides itself as being the champion of the Palestinians. It even cancelled lavish New Year’s celebrations in Dubai in solidarity with the Gazens during the recent combat.

The UAE came under sharp criticism for its ban of the Israeli tennis star. The governing officials of tennis warned the UAE if they did not allow Andy Ram (ranked 7th in the world in men’s doubles) to play in the men’s championship the following week they would consider taking Dubai off next year’s calendar.

After much international pressure and the threat of losing significant sponsors the UAE granted Andy Ram a visa and permission to play. Andy Ram was escorted on the court with two bodyguards and lost in the first round.

Question for the Shabbos Table:

The officials of the Dubai tennis organization made it clear that they view Shahar Peer and Andy Ram as tennis players that are Jewish. Do you think Andy Ram should not have played and stood in solidarity with his fellow Jew? Is his playing a lost opportunity to demonstrate that he is primarily a Jew and all Jews must stick together? Or do you think one has nothing to do with the other?